Accidental
by singintoyourself
Summary: In music, accidentals change the theory of a piece. In life, accidentals change more far more.
1. Prolouge

_A/N-This is completely different than anything else I've ever written. It's edgy, dark, and I absolutely love it. _

Accidental

Prologue

_There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days  
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made  
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings  
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves_

_Passing Afternoon-Iron and Wine_

In music, accidentals change the theory of a piece. For a short or long stretch of beats, the phrase is altered by the raising or lowering of pitches. For the musicians playing, sudden accidentals are a source of major annoyance. They are infuriating to the sight reader or to the beginner, to the experienced player or the band director without a clue.

In life, accidentals are often times cursed upon as unwelcomed changes to an established routine. Whatever the story, changes are greeted most frequently as dreaded disruptions or the end of an era. The story of change and the accidents that we make in our lives shape them into the lives we carry on into adulthood.

I am an accidental drum major. I was not supposed to be in this position. There was another, far better than I could ever hope to be, who should be standing here over this band. This band, this ragtag bunch of drama filled, angst ridden teens, which somehow came together after this to form a unit that could compete with the best. I know I'm not who they want in this position. I know they still are hurt. I am still hurt. It aches every single day; every beat I conduct, every cue I give. It kills me to be here, and not her.

The November sky is brisk and unforgiving. The lights shine on me; the way they beam down from the top of the stadium to me is like a hand descending from heaven. It's nighttime, finally. I'm standing on this podium waiting for my own nerves to shake me off. For four years, I have dreamed of this moment, but I didn't expect to have it this way. I always wanted this spot, since my first band camp, when I witnessed the respect and responsibility the drum major had. I wanted, needed, ached for the position. When it came time, at the end of my junior year, I went out for it. I practiced constantly. I conducted while listening to my favorite songs, I went on the internet and watched countless DCI drum majors; I did everything asked of me and more.

I was not chosen.

But here I am, leading my band. With every downbeat I give, I also give my heart and soul to this band.

I am an accidental drum major. And this is my story.

_A/N-Reviews? I'd like your input =)_


	2. Chapter One

_A/N-Thanks to projectfreq91, dutchesscourtney, Midnight Sacrilege, J3551B34R, IsabellaNoelle, depressionoverhaul, and Elaine Kaelar for reviewing!  
It's been a little while since I wrote this, but I wanted to take a little break after finishing DYMM to get back to writing. My head's about to explode from ideas!_

* * *

Chapter One

_The next time that I caught my own reflection  
It was on its way to meet you  
Thinking of excuses to postpone  
You never look like yourself from the side  
But your profile did not hide  
The fact you knew I was approaching your throne_

With folded arms you occupy the bench like toothache  
Saw them, puff your chest out like you never lost a war  
And though I try so not to suffer the indignity of a reaction  
There was no cracks to grasp or gaps to claw

_Crying Lightning-__**Arctic Monkeys**_

May

* * *

"Miss Asher!" I snapped my head up off my desk. _Damnit…_

"Now that you have decided to join us, would you be so kind as to tell us the meaning of Vonnegut's repeated statement in Slaughterhouse Five?"

Secretly, I groaned. Not because I didn't know the answer; simply because the A.P. exams were over and I wanted to focus on other things…

Like my final drum major audition. It was in two days, three hours, seventeen minutes and forty five seconds. But who's counting?

"Miss Asher!"

"The constant use of 'And so it goes' represents the way that life is always continuing in the world of Vonnegut's characters, despite their mental status on earth." I supplied, dutifully. My teacher, efficiently silenced, set partner book work for the rest of class. As I reached down to grab my text from my bag, I felt my desk buckle slightly. I rolled my eyes.

"Sleepy head, you gonna be able to handle this?" My best friend's brown eyes were inches from mine. I dropped my book on his hand.

"Yep." I said, smirking as he cradled his hand. "And I wasn't sleeping!"

"Yeah, you were resting your eyes." Greg said, pulling my notebook towards him. "How late were you up till now?"

"Only four."

"Only four…you get up at five thirty!"

"Well it was closer to six this morning."

"You're going to get it, why are you so worried?"

"I told you this already, the others are good too." At this Greg took to writing down our answers to make it seem as if we were actually doing something rather than talking.

"Yeah, okay Jo." Greg was the only person that got away with shortening Joanna into Jo.

"They are!"

Greg didn't respond. Jerk.

* * *

I was consumed by it. I was obsessed. Greg, who wasn't in marching band, didn't understand. He didn't get the thrill and the rush that comes from performing.

I wanted to be drum major since my very first rehearsal, way back in my freshman year. The baritone they gave me was heavy, but it felt comfortable in my hand. It was dull silver and smelled strangely. I watched from the back of the room as everyone listened to the girl in the front, how everyone's attention was drawn to her at all times. She was the center of the room, seemingly the heart of the band, if not just the spirit. She was helpful, confident, smart and funny. She was everything I wanted to be and more.

I was enthusiastic about band from the beginning. I tried my hardest at every rehearsal, I worked hard. I tried to get others as excited as I was about band. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

I thought about my future as drum major. The cautious side of me warned against getting this excited. The other me whispered seeds of doubt into my ear, making sure that my ego trip didn't last too long.

Over the next two days, I practiced conducting every chance I got. I stayed up late, listening to the pre-recorded stand tunes over and over again, making sure I got every beat right. I tried not to go completely insane, but it was difficult to concentrate in school when I was moving my hands in basic patterns under my desk. By last period Thursday, I had everything memorized. I was more than confident in my abilities. Greg, who was just as excited as I was, brought me my favorite lunch as a good luck surprise. I sipped my Snapple as I chatted with friends about the upcoming audition and laughed off my nerves.

There were four of us trying out for the spot of drum major. Three of us were juniors and the last one was a sophomore. The four upperclassmen knew that the sophomore wasn't going to get it; it had been years since a sophomore had made the position. Between the four of us, the shoe-in for the trumpet captain was among us. We wrote him off because we knew that we couldn't lose anymore trumpet players than we already had. I was glad that low brass in this band were a dime a dozen; that I was expendable.

So that left myself and my biggest competition. Ella has bounced around all sections of the band during her seasons. She played saxophone for a season, clarinet for another and has been in the pit and the guard, jumping between the two indoor ensembles. Sure, she wasn't consistent in sticking with any one section, but she had been really good at everything. I've stuck with baritone during the marching season and drumline during the indoor seasons.

The band room was pretty quiet; as everyone was off practicing. The strains of stand tunes could be heard from the iPods plugged into the one auditioning. I walked outside, into the warm spring air, to clear my head. This was it, there was nothing more to do then just walk into the office, conduct a few tunes and then be interviewed by the staff.

Ella poked her head out as I was running through patterns again.

"It's your turn, Joanna, good luck!"

Well, at least Ella was nice. I turned off my iPod and stuffed it into my bag before heading back to meet my maker.

* * *

_A/N-Short again, but just building up things here. Please review, so I have something to look forward to tonight after band camp!_


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